Collection of My Favourite Forwarded Mails

Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny. -- Frank Outlaw

The Cocoon A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared, he sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and it could go no farther. So the man decided to help the butterfly, he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings. The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time. Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly. What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get thr...

God created the donkey and said to him. "You will be a donkey. You will work un-tiringly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass, you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years." The donkey answered: "I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is much. Give me only 20 years" God granted his wish. ***** God created the dog and said to him: "You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend. You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 30 years. You will be a dog. " The dog answered: "Sir, to live 30 years is too much,give me only 15 years." God granted his wish. ***** God created the monkey and said to him: "You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks. You will be amusing and you will live 20 years. " The monkey answered: "To live 20 years is too much, give me only 10 years." God granted his wish. ***** Finally God created man ... an...

* To fall in love. * To laugh until your stomach hurts. * To find mails by the thousands when you return from a vacation. * To go for a vacation to some pretty place. * To listen to your favorite song in the radio. * To go to bed and to listen while it rains outside. * To leave the shower and find that the towel is warm. * To clear your last exam. * To receive a call from someone, you don't see a lot, but you want to. * To find money in the pocket of a dress that you haven't used since last year . * To laugh at yourself looking at mirror, making faces.:))) * Calls at midnight that last for hours.:)) * To laugh without a reason. * To accidentally hear somebody say something good about you. * To wake up and realize it is still possible to sleep for a couple of hours. * To hear a song that makes you remember a special person. * To be part of a team. * To watch the sunset from the hill top. * To make new friends. * To feel butterflies! in the stomach every time that you see that pe...

# Chandrababuism : You have two cows in Vijayawada. You hook them to internet and milk them from Hyderabad. # Jayalalithaism : You have two cows. You teach them to cry,"Ammaaaaaaa..." and fall at your feet. # Karunanidhiism : You have two cows. You give one to your son and the other to your nephew. # Gandhism : You have two cows. But you drink goat's milk. # Indiraism : You have two bulls.. You adamantly consider them as cows. # Lalooism : You have two cows. You buy Rs. 900 Crore worth of cattlefeed for them. # Rajnikantism : You have two cows. You throw them into air and catch their milk in your mouth. # Rajivism : You have two cows. You paint them both to get colourful milk. --------------------------------------------- Softwarism:(Ultimate....) Client has 2 cows and u need to milk them 1 . First prepare a document when to milk them (Project kick off) 2 . Prepare a document how long you have to milk them (Project plan) 3 . Then prepare how to milk them (Design) 4 . Th...

To make a woman happy......? A man only needs to be : 1. A friend 2. A companion 3. A lover 4. A brother 5. A father 6. A master 7. A chef 8. An electrician 9. A carpenter 10. A plumber 11. A mechanic 12. A decorator 13. A stylist 14. A sexologist 15. A gynecologist 16. A psychologist 17. A pest exterminator 18. A psychiatrist 19. A healer 20. A good listener 21. An organizer 22. A good father 23. Very clean 24. Sympathetic 25. Athletic 26. Warm 27. Attentive 28. Gallant 29. Intelligent 30. Funny 31. Creative 32. Tender 33. Strong 34. Understanding 35. Tolerant 36. Prudent 37. Ambitious 38. Capable 39. Courageous 40. Determined 41. True 42. Dependable 43. Passionate WITHOUT FORGETTING TO: 44. Give her compliments regularly 45. Love shopping 46. Be honest 47. Be very rich 48. Not stress her out 49. Not look at other girls AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO: 50. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself 51. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself 52. Give her lot...

There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish. He was saying, "Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale." A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish. The kid said, "I caught them at the dam, so they're dam fish." The preacher bought some, took them home and asked his wife to cook the dam fish. His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said, "Preachers aren't supposed to talk like that." The preacher explained why they were dam fish, and she agreed to cook them. When dinner was ready and everyone was sitting down, the preacher asked his son to pass him the dam fish. His son replied, "That's the spirit dad. Pass the fucking potatoes!!!!"

An Indian man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to India on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Indian man hands over the keys of a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as Collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Indian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the Indian returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While...

For everything there is a season, And a time for every matter under heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; A time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; A time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to throw away stones, And a time to gather stones together; A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing; A time to seek, and a time to lose; A time to keep, and a time to throw away; A time to tear, and a time to sew; A time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate, A time for war, and a time for peace.

Recently in The Times of India there was an article / advertisement about Pizza delivery Companies which guarantees you free pizza if they fail to deliver within the specified time (like 30 minutes). Have you ever wondered who pays for the free pizzas?? Well, the delivery boy is made to pay for the pizza. They are paid such low wages and the price of the pizza is deducted from their monthly wages which can amount to upto 60% in some months (It becomes difficult to run their family). To deliver the pizzas the delivery boys take high traffic risks as delivery becomes their priority. Their life and safety risks areneither looked into by the Pizza Shop Management nor the Pizza Delivery Boy himself. (They are more concerned to avoid the deduction from their salary). If this type of exploitation is carried on in your city's pizza logistics we should stop availing the home delivery system, because to deliver our pizza one person may be risking his life. Is the life of an Indian citizen so...

It's not the fault of the student if he/she fails, Because the year has an 'ONLY 365' days. Typical academic year for a student. 1. Sundays- 52,Sundays in a year, which are rest days. Balance 313 days. 2. Summer holidays-50 where weather is very hot and difficult to study. Balance 263 days. 3. 8 hours daily sleep-means 122 days. Balance 141 days. 4. 1 hour for daily playing-(good for health) means 15 days. Balance 126 days. 5. Two hours daily for food & other delicacies (chew properly & eat)-means 30days. Balance 96 days. 6. 1 hour for talking (man is a social animal)-means 15 days . Balance 81 days. 7. Exam days per year at least 35 days. Balance 46 days. 8. Quarterly, Half yearly and festival holidays)-40 days. Balance 6 days. 9. For sickness at least 3

Father to daugther: "When you go back to your Mom tonight, give her this envelope and tell her that since you are now 18, this is the last check she`ll ever see from me for child support. Then, stand back and watch the expression on her face." Daughter: "OK" Later that night Daughter: "Mom, Dad asked me to give you this envelope. He said to tell you that since I`m now 18, this is the last child support payment he`ll ever have to make to you. Now I`m supposed to stand back and watch the expression on your face." Mother: "So that's the case? Do one thing, next time you visit your father, tell him that after 18 years I have decided to inform him that he`s not your father. Then, stand back and watch the expression on his face."

Aj Tak ka naya khulasa... Cricketers ki e-mail ID: 1.LAXMAN: available@home-only.com 2.GANGULY: nowdays@no_use.com 3.KUMBLE: only@test_match.com 4.SACHIN: admitted@hospital.com 5.KAIF: good@for_nothing.com 6.SEHWAG: consistently@out_of_form.com 7.DRAVID: stick@crease_like_fevicol.com 8.PATHAN: takewickets@only_with_kenya.com 9. GREG CHAPPELL only_experiment@noresult.com 10. Munaf Patel only_line&length@nospeed.com 11.Harbhajan Singh no_spinpitch@nowicket.com 12. Suresh Raina why_i_am_there@god_knows.com

A very cute mail...read n njoy......... Heights of Fun.......... HEIGHT OF ISOLATION:? Two persons sitting side by side using scraps to communicate with each other. HEIGHT OF COWARDICE:? Two persons fighting through scraps. HEIGHT OF HELPLESSNESS:?? Receiving no scraps for a week. HEIGHT OF FRUSTRATION:? The scrap server being down. HEIGHT OF CARELESSNESS: Writing a love scrap and doing a ‘Send All. HEIGHT OF ACHIEVEMENT:? A person sending scraps to a girl wanting to become friends and getting a reply. HEIGHT OF TIMEPASS:? A person sending scrap to himself. HEIGTHT OF EXPECTATION:? Sending Indian cricket team an e-mail, wishing them to win a match . HEIGHT OF REPETITION:? Forwarding an scrap to someone and receiving the same scrap forwarded back to you By some one in the receiving chain. HEIGHT OF BROWSING:? U r swimming in the water tank and shout “F1 F1 F1?” instead of shouting “HELP” when u are unable to swim

"I remember the last time I saw that sparkle in your eye - when I realized there was a beautiful angel by my side." For my eyes have been mistaken, for this to be true, an Angel so low, an Angel so bright, for it's as if God himself, has stolen two stars from the night sky, And hid them within your eyes, so one day you shall see, the beauty within, the Angel I see, but above all, you have became, the Angel of my heart..

If you should ever be forced by a robber to withdraw money from an ATM machine, you can notify the police by entering your Pin # in reverse. For example if your pin number is 1234 then you would put in 4321. The ATM recognizes that your pin number is backwards from the ATM card you placed in the machine. The machine will still give you the money you requested, but unknown to the robber, the police will be immediately dispatched to help you. This information was recently broadcasted on TV and it states that it is seldom used because people don't know it exists. ***Please pass this along to everyone possible.

10 orkutting rules......good ones, plz follow them ONE If you're ugly, stop acting like you don't know it. The captions under you picture that says "top model pose" "sexy bitch" "arnt i hot" doesn't convince anyone. TWO To the people who have like 25,000 friends, are you serious? Nobody in this universe can keep up with that many friends. You're stupid. Go play in traffic. THREE Don't ever post pictures and say "OMG, I'm so ugly" "OMG,I'm so fat" because if you were, you wouldn't post them. FOUR Nobody cares about threats over the internet. Don't try to act hardcore with the keyboard. Fighting online is like racing in the special olympics; even if you win, you're still retarded. FIVE Making 20 bulletins a day about how you hate other people b/c yoUR not on their top 8. who really cares, i mean get over it! SIX Who really gives a crap if I don't accept you as a friend? MOVE ON!!! Don't send...

Never love a Testing girl since she always doubts U . Never love a DATABASE girl since she always wants her husband to be a UNIQUE key . Never love a C girl because she always have a tendency to BREAK the things and EXIT from house. Never love a C++ girl as u may encounter some problems in INHERITANCE. Never love a JAVA girl since she always throws EXCEPTIONS. Never Love a VB girl since she has divorce FORM with her always. Never love a UNIX girl ,she always dump u with a core. Never love a COBOL girl since she may be very good in DIVISION of families. Never love a NETWORK girl since she may be very good in shooting troubles . Better marry a girl not belonging to SOFTWARE FAMILY.

Finest Movie Ever? Rang De Basanti Bachche Sharaab pee rahe hai, buildingo se kood rahe hai, cigarette phook rahe hai, baap ko goli maar rahe hai, foreigner sabko marvaa kar chali gayi, DJ 5 saal se University mein pada hai, uski maa keh rahi hai kamine kamaa kar kab laayega, aur Director kehta hai "GENERATION AWAKENING". *NOTE: From unknown source

Gaze these differences !!!! Take it easy !!!! If he is late for class, he told, "Time and Tide wait for none". If she is late, then the bus was late. If a girl is dressed as a boy, she is modern, says the world. But if a boy is dressed as a girl, " Has he escaped from the Zoo?" If a boy talks with a girl, "I think he is trying for her" But if a girl talks with a boy, then she is trying to be friendly. When a girl cries, the world is convinced of her But when a boy cries, "Come on man! Don't be a girl". If a girl meets with an accident, then it's the mistake of others. And if a boy meets with an accident, "I think you should learn to drive". If a boy sits in front of a city bus, he is mannerless and cultureless brute. But if a girl sits in the back seat, "Try to respect ladies, man!". If a boy gets a big rank in an entrance exam, "You've to work hard". But if a girl gets a big rank,... Still got 33! Rese...

CASE 1: This is a true story, it has been confirmed, the Medical Centre phone number at the end of this story is real. This guy went out on a Saturday night a few weeks ago to a party. He was having a good time and had a couple of beers and some girl seemed to like him & invited him to go to another party. He quickly agreed & decided to go along with her. She took him to a party in some apartment and they continued to drink & even got involved with some drug (unknown). The next thing he knew, he woke up completely naked in a bathtub filled with ice. He was still feeling the effects of the drugs, but looked around to see he was alone. He looked down at his chest, which had CALL 000 or YOU'LL DIE" written on it with lipstick. He saw a phone was on a stand next to the tub so he Picked it up & dialled. He explained to the EMS operator what the situation was & that he didn't know where he was, what he took, or why he was really calling. She advised him to ge...

A School Master from a remote rural area in Bihar was transferred to a new School in Mumbai. He reported for duty two days after the actual date of joining. Consequently he was asked for an explanation in writing... ------------------------------------------------------- Deer sur, If small small mistakes getting inside my letter, I big you pardon, ass I am not a good englis speaker. This is my fist vijit to Bombai. Stickly speaking, I wanted to joint your school more fastly, but for the following region, too much time lost in getting slipper reservation in three-tyre compartment. I tolded , I has head ache problem due to migration. Still the clerk rejected to give ticket to I and my sun. I putted a complain on station masterji. He said I to go to the lady clerk. At first she also rejected. I then pressed for long time and finally with great difficulty she gave a birth to my sun. Anyway I thanked the station master also because he was phully responsible for getting birth of my sun. Ass ...

It's not the fault of the student if he/she fails, Because the year has an 'ONLY 365' days. Typical academic year for a student. 1. Sundays- 52,Sundays in a year, which are rest days. Balance 313 days. 2. Summer holidays-50 where weather is very hot and difficult to study. Balance 263 days. 3. 8 hours daily sleep-means 122 days. Balance 141 days. 4. 1 hour for daily playing-(good for health) means 15 days. Balance 126 days. 5. Two hours daily for food & other delicacies (chew properly & eat)-means 30days. Balance 96 days. 6. 1 hour for talking (man is a social animal)-means 15 days . Balance 81 days. 7. Exam days per year at least 35 days. Balance 46 days. 8. Quarterly, Half yearly and festival holidays)-40 days. Balance 6 days. 9. For sickness at least 3 days. Balance 3 days. 10. Movies and functions at least 2 days. Balance 1 day. 11. That 1 day is your birthday. "How can a student pass????"

Young Man: Sir, may I know the time, please? Old Man: Certainly not. Young Man: Sir, but why? What are you going to lose,if you tell me the time? Old Man: Yes, I may lose something if I tell you the time. Young Man: But Sir, can you tell me how? Old Man : See, if I tell you the time you will definitely thank me and may be tomorrow again you will ask me the time. Young Man: Quite possible. Old Man: May be we meet two three times more and you will ask my name and address. Young Man: Quite possible. Old Man: One day you may come to my house saying you were just passing by and came into wish me. Then as a courtsey, I will offer you a cup of tea. After my courteous approach you will try to come again.This time you will appreciate tea and ask who has made it.? Young Man: Possible Old Man: made itThen I will tell you that my daughter has and I will then have to introduce my young and pretty daughter to you &; you will admire my daughter. Young Man: Smiles. ;) Old Man: Now onwa...

A professor was in the habit of giving his students a little gift at the end of the school year - a blue ribbon with the words "Who I Am Makes A Difference®" printed in gold letters on the ribbon. As she gave each student their ribbon she explained why he had appreciated teaching them, and why his course had been different because that particular student had been present. One day it occurred to her to see what effect this little custom would have on the community. She gave each student 3 blue ribbons instead of one, and told each of them to give one ribbon to someone they knew who, in their opinion "made a difference." She also told them to give the 2 other ribbons to that same person, with nstructions to hand them out to others who had made a difference. After that the students were to come back and report what happened. One student who had a part-time job gave his ribbon to his boss, a grumpy fellow who nevertheless appreciated the honor. "I admire eve...

Sardarji ka bahut uda liya...check this out...must read Sardarji is in a Quiz Contest trying to win prize money of Rs.1 crore. The questions are as follows: 1) How long was the 100 yr war? A) 116 B) 99 C) 100 D) 150 Sardar says "I will skip this" 2) In which country are the Panama hats made? A) BRASIL B) CHILE C) PANAMA D) EQUADOR Sardar asks for help from the University students 3) In which month do the Russians celebrate the October Revolution? A) JANUARY B) SEPTEMBER C) OCTOBER D) NOVEMBER Sardar asks for help from general public 4) Which of these was King George VI first name? A) EDER B) ALBERT C) GEORGE D) MANOEL Sardar asks for lucky cards 5) The Canary islands, in the Pacific Ocean, has its name based on which animal: A) CANARY BIRD B) KANGAROO C) PUPPY D) RAT ******************************************** If u think you are indeed clever and laughed at Sardar's replies, then please check the answers below: 1) The 100 year war lasted 116 years from 1337-1453 2) The P...

Once, Newton came to India and watched a few Tamil movies that had his head spinning. He was convinced that all his logic and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done. In the movie of Rajanikanth, Newton was confused to such an extent that he went paranoid. Here are a few scenes................................. 1)Rajanikanth has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors can't be cured and his death is imminent.In one of the fights, our great Rajanikanth is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured! Long Live Rajanikanth! 2) In another movie, Rajanikanth is confronted with 3 gangsters.Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet and a knife. Guess, what he does? He throws the knife at the middle gangster? & shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces, which kills both the gangsters on each side...

HOW LONG? A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours." The guy leaves. A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, " How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says, "About 3 hours." The guy leaves. A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and a half." The guy leaves. The barber who is intrigued by this time, looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey, Bill. Follow that guy and see where he goes." A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?" Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says, "Your house....

For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here's an update for you: Now days, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage. 1. Men are like ...Laxatives ...... They irritate the crap out of you. 2. Men are like. Bananas ....... The older they get, the less firm they are. 3. Men are like ......Weather . Nothing can be done to change them. 4. Men are like .Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why. 5. Men are like .....Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips. 6. Men are like ....Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say. 7. Men are like Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off. 8. Men are like ......Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature. 9. Men are like .....Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion. 10. Men ar...

Sardar bought a new mobile. He called everyone from his Phone Book & said "My Mobile No. has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310 Now it is 6610" *** Santa : I am a Proud Sardar, My son is in Medical College. Banta : Really, what is he studying? Santa : No he is not studying, they are Studying him. *** What is Common between : Krishna, Ram, Gandhiji & Jesus..? Sardar ji Replied : All are Born on Government Holidays. *** Santa falls in luv with a nurse... After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: "I luv u sister." *** Pappu (while filling up a form): Dad, what should I write for mother tongue.? Santa: Very long! *** Santa went out to buy an Indian flag. The shop owner gave him the flag. Guess what did he ask next... Ismein aur colour dikhayiye. *** Santa went to battery shop n asked to change battery. The shopkeeper asked: Exide laga du? Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya? *** Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai. Santa: Hai....

How a girl replies if Himesh propos- O huzoor, bhaad me jaaye tera suroor, surat se hai tu khajoor, bidi ki factory ka majdoor, chal hoja door abey langoor!!!! Train mein TT Sadhu se bola: Kahan jana hai? Sadhu: Jahan Ram ka janam hua tha. TT: Ticket hai? Sadhu: Nahin TT: Chalo Sadhu: Kahan? TT: Jahan Krishan ka janam hua tha…. Jail mein EK LADKI THI DEEWANI SI EK SUBJECT PE WO MARTI THI BOOKS UTHAKAR, CHASHMA LAGAKAR LIBRARY SE GUZARTI THI KUCHH PADNA THA SHAYAD USKO JAANE KISSE DARTI THI JAB BHI MILTI THI MUJHSE MUJHSE POOCHHA KARTI THI ENGG. KAISE HOTI HAI YE ENGG. KAISE HOTI HAI AUR MEIN BAS ITNA KEH PATA THA "KITABEN KHULI HON YA HON BAND PADHAI LAST NIGHT HI HOTI HAI KAISE KAHOON MAIN O YAARA YE ENGG. AISE HI HOTI HAI

1. It is always possible to find a parking spot directly outside or opposite the building you are visiting. 2. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare. 3. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it's aired. 4. Creepy music (or satanic chanting) coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated. 5. Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it's the door to a burning building with a child inside. 6. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps. 7. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode. 8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to learn to speak German. Simply speaking English w...

Here you had a great chance to know about yourself....... read on... Imagine you walked into a small hut by the river in the jungle. You pushed open the door, in front of you were 7 small beds to the right of the hut, and another 7 small chairs surrounding a small round table. In the middle of the table was a round food tray with 5 kinds of fruit in it. There are: a. Apple b. Banana c. Strawberry d. Peach e. Orange Which fruit will u choose? Your choice reveals about u! SIMPLE ANSWER: Here is the result.. a. if you chosen apple: that means you are a person who loves to eat apple. b. if you chosen banana: that means you are a person who loves to eat banana. c. if you chosen strawberry: that means you are a person who loves to eat trawberry. d. if you chosen peach: that means you are a person who loves to eat peach. e. if you chosen orange: that means you are a person who loves to eat orange.

Question : You are in a boat in the middle of a river.You have 2 Cigarettes and have to light any one cigarette. You don't have anything else with you in the boat....how will you do it? Answer: Take one cigarette and throw it in the water.So the boat will become LIGHTER. using this LIGHTER you can light the other Cigarette. Want? another deadly answer. Scroll down a little..... Another solution: You throw a cigarette up and catch it. Catches win Matches. Using the matches that you win, you can light the cigarette. If that was not enough, one more deadly answer.... Take water in your hand and drop it drop by drop...(TIP - TIP) "TIP TIP barsa Pani. Pani ne aag lagayee." us aag se hamne cigarette jalayee". If that was not enough, one more deadly answer... Start praising one cigarette, The other will get jealous & "jalney lagega" Searching for me..I am also searching for the person who sent it to me!!

This is a love letter from a boy to a girl.... However, the girl's father does not like him and want them to stop their relationship. ..... and so.. The boy wrote this letter to the girl.. he knows that the girl's father will definitely read this letter.. 1 "The great love that I have for you 2 is gone, and I find my dislike for you 3 grows every day. When I see you, 4 I do not even like your face; 5 the one thing that I want to do is to 6 look at other girls. I never wanted to 7 marry you. Our last conversation 8 was very boring and has not 9 made me look forward to seeing you again. 10 You think only of yourself. 11 If we were married, I know that I would find 12 life very difficult, and I would have no 13 pleasure in living with you. I have a heart 14 to give, but it is not something that 15 I want to give to you. No one is more 16 foolish and selfish than you, and you are not 17 able to care for me and help me. 18 I sincerely want you to understand that 19 I speak the ...

1. NIIT : Not Interested in IT 2. WIPRO : Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output 3. HCL : Hidden Costs & Losses 4. TCS : Totally Confusing Solutions 5. INFOSYS :Inferior Offline Systems 6. HUGHES : Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping 7. BAAN : Beggars Association and Nerds 8. IBM : Implicitly Boring Machines 9. SATYAM : Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly 10. PARAM : Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors 11. C-DOT : Coffee During Office Timings 12. AT&T : All Troubles & Terrible 13. CMC : Coffee, Meals and Comfort 14. DEC : Drifting & Exhausted Computers 15. BFL : Brainwash First and Let them go 16. TISL : Totally Inconsistent Systems Ltd. 17. PSI : Peculiar Symptoms of India 18. ORACLE : On-line Romance And Chatting with Lady Employees.

A winter evening. Four friends. One barsaat. Four glasses of chai. (OR) Hundred bucks of gas. A rusty old bike. And an open road. (OR) Maggi noodles. A hostel room. 4.25 a.m. (OR) 3 old friends. 3 separate cities. 3 coffee mugs. 1 internet messenger. (OR) Rain on a hot tin roof. Pakoras deep-frying. Neighbours dropping in. A party. (OR) You and mom. A summer night. A bottle of coconut oil. A head massage. Gossiping about absent family members. You can spend Hundreds on birthdays, Thousands on festivals, Lakhs on weddings, but to celebrate all you have to do is spend your Time

To realize the value of a sister...Ask someone who doesn't have one. To realize the value of ten years...Ask a newly divorced couple. To realize the value of four years...Ask a graduate. To realize the value of one year...Ask a student who has failed a final exam. To realize the value of nine months...Ask a mother who gave birth to a still born. To realize the value of one month...Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby. To realize the value of one week...Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper. To realize the value of one hour...Ask the lovers who are waiting to meet. To realize the value of one minute...Ask a person who has missed the train, bus or plane. To realize the value of one-second...Ask a person who has survived an accident... To realize the value of one millisecond...Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics. Time waits for no one..... Treasure every moment you have. You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special. To r...

Ek ladki thi deewani si, Mobile leke ghumti thi. Nazrein jhuka ke, Sharma ke, Mobile main kuch Kehne ki koshis karti thi. Kuch kehna tha shayad usko, Jaane kisse darti thi. Jab bhi milti thi mujhse, Bas yahi poocha karti thi, Yeh "START" kaise hota hai?

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbours to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off! MORAL : Life is going to sho...

CD-ROM GIRLS She is always faster and faster. EMAIL GIRLS Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense. HARD DISK GIRLS She remembers everything, FOREVER INTERNET GIRLS Difficult to access MULTIMEDIA GIRLS She make horrible thing look beautiful SCREENSAVER GIRLS She is good for nothing but at least she is fun RAM GIRLS She forget about you, the moment turn her off WINDOW GIRLS Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her. VIRUS GIRLS Also known as "wife'' when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall. Here you will lose something, if don't try you uninstall her you will lose everything... SERVER GIRLS Always busy when you need her. ***NOTE (From unknown source) Apologies First. Dont take it to heart. Girls, can you classify guys? Then please mail me it will be on my blog the next moment.

1) What is the difference between women and puppies? A: Puppies grow up. 2) Why do women always have a stupid look on their faces? Answer: Because they are... 3) What do women have in common with ceramic tiles? Answer: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever. 4) If you drop a women and a brick out of a plane,which one would hit the ground first? Answer: Who cares?????..... 5) What did God say after he created woman? (This ones THE BEST) Answer: I can do better than this! And then he created man 6) What's the difference between an intelligent woman & a UFO ? Answer:I don't know, I've never seen either. 7) What are two reasons why women don't mind their own business? Answers: i) no mind ii) no business 8) What makes women chase men when they have no intention of marrying? Answer: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles when they have no intention of driving..!! ***NOTE: (The above text is from UNKNOWN SOURCE) Ladies please dont take it serio...

Let's say it's 6.15p m and you're going home (alone of course), after an unusually hard day on the job. You're really tired, upset and frustrated. Suddenly you start experiencing severe pain in yourchest that starts to adiate out into your arm and up into your jaw. You are only about five miles from the hospital nearest your home. Unfortunately you don't know if you'll be able to make it that far. You have been trained in CPR, but the guy that taught the course did not tell you how to perform it on yourself. HOW TO SURVIVE A HEART ATTACK WHEN ALONE Since many people are alone when they suffer a heart attack, without help,the person whose heart is beating improperly and who begins to feel faint, has only about 10 seconds left before losing consciousness. However,these victims can help themselves by coughing repeatedly and very igorously. A deep breath should be taken before each cough, and the cough must be deep and prolonged, as when producing sputum from deep i...

1) Husband: Today is Sunday & I wanna enjoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets Wife: Why 3? Husband: For you and your parents! --------------------------------------- 2) Santa enters kitchen, opens sugar container, looks inside and closes it. He does this again and again. Why? Because his Doctor told him to check sugar level regularly.

Masoom mohabbat ka bus itna fasana hai, kaagaz ki haveli hai,barish ka zamana hai, kya shart-e-mohabbat hai,kya shart-e-zamana hai, aawaz bhi jakhmi hai, or geet bhi gaana hai, us paar utarne ki ummeed bahut kam hai, kashti bhi purani hai, tufaan ko bhi aana hai, samjhe ya na samjhe wo andaz mohabbat ke, ek shaks ko aankho se ek sher sunana hai, bholi si ada koi phir ishq ki zidd par hai, phir aag ka dariya hai, or doob ke jana hai!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ------------------------------------------- Mana ki aaj hum akele reh gaye, Judai ke aasu aankho se beh gaye, Rote rahe kon chup karayega hume, Jo chup karate the vo hi rone ko keh gaye..

Dil tod kar mera apne dil ka haal sunate hai, Unhe to aahat hi nahi hoti hamare aasuon ki Or wo apna dil halka kar jate hai Par ek sukoon milta hai dil ko Kahi na kahi hum unke kaam to aate hai Pal hi aisa tha, ki hum inkar na kar paye Zamane ke darr se pyaar na kar paye Na thi jinke bina zindagi munasib Chhor diya sath unhone , Or hum ek sawal bhi na kar paye Bheegh jaati hai palkein meri kabhi kabhi tanhai me Darte hai ye koi aur jaan na le Aur bhi darte hai ki aise me achanak Meri aankho se koi tumhe pehchan na le Aakhon mein rahe dil mein utar kar nahi dekha Kashti ke musaafir ne samandar nahi dekha Kehte hai patthar mujhe mere chahne wale Par afsos kabhi mujhe chhoo kar nahi dekha.... Utre jo zindagi teri gehraiyo mein hum Mehfil mein rahkar bhi rahe tanhaiyo mein hum Deewangi nahi toh aur kya kahe Insaan dhoondhte rahe parchayion mein hum Har naam sareaam pukara nahi jaata Har naam yun hi kagaz pe utara nahi jaata Hoti hai is khel mein kuch raaz ki baatein Aise hi is khel mein ha...

Dearest Ms Juliet, I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Sunday). With reference to the meeting held between us on the 27th of July at 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover. Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse. The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account. I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be canceled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy,...

Passion and irony are inseparable. From the first spark of love, begins the loosening of moorings and a passionate odyssey that doesn’t end without a denouement — which isn’t often as wished by the love-locked. A simple tale of love. I WAS IN a relationship with a person, but I didn’t meet him for almost six months. It might sound like a film story, but it’s true. Well, he is Rishi. We just used to talk on the phone. He got my number through a common friend. Initially, he used to talk with me as an unknown person; I didn’t know his name. He revealed it to me later. I met him when we had just begun talking. Few days passed and our friendship grew stronger. He became my best buddy. Then came the day when he proposed to me. I still remember it. It was Diwali night. He had called at midnight to say, “I love you. Do you love me Tillotama?” It was the most unforgettable moment of my life. I said to him, “yes.” The next day he had to leave for Pune to take his MBA exams. We couldn’t meet, bu...

Love is a beautiful feeling, even when it involves the fear of losing the person you love. As Tennyson wrote in In Memorium: “It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.” EVER SINCE I can remember I had wanted to fall in love. And, not only fall in love, but fall in love with the right person. I wanted someone who would accept my faults and love me for who I am. I hopped from one relationship to another, each time being bitterly disappointed when my knight in shining amour turned out to be the opposite of what I expected and wanted. Finally, I decided that the elusive emotion of love wasn’t meant for me and I reconciled myself to the fact that I might never find my Mr Right. I should have known that God’s sense of humour is wicked, at the very least! My first interaction with the person I fell in love with was explosive. We were working in the same company and I was his junior. One of my duties entailed transferring calls to him. Once he was on the phone and ...

A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone." "No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?" His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat, 'I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache.' It worked! The headaches are all gone." The husband replies, "Well, that's wonderful." His wife then says, "You know, you haven't exactly been a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?" The husband agrees to try it. Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife, and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." He goes into the ...

::CONFIDENCE:: Once all village people decided to pray for rain. On the day of prayer all people gathered and only one boy came with an Umbrella.... ..that's confidence.. ......... ::TRUST:: Trust should be like the feeling of a one year old baby when you throw him in the air, he laughs.....because he knows you will catch him........ ::HOPE: : Every night we go to bed, we have no assurance to get up alive in the next morning but still you have plans for the coming day. KEEP CONFIDENCE; TRUST OTHERS AND NEVER LOSE HOPE

Its was tested by FBI.. on many criminals.. all answered the same.. Here is the story....and check.... Once there was funeral of an old lady who has 2 daughters…….. is going on.......in that situation elder daughter happen to see a smart handsome guy…..on whom.... she could not able to turn off her eyes....!!!!!!!!! then after the funeral.. she was not able to meet him…. And she no nothing about him as she saw him for the first time…… she realized that she is madly in love with him..... and she decided.. to meet him at any cost......... so she.....made some inquires about the man and finally decided to kill her sister....!!!!!!!!! can u guess.. y she killed her…... sister????................ Intelligent Answer: ------------------- So that the man can attend her sister’s funeral !!!!!!!!!

What will happen if the Government of India decides to become a commercial film financier, say of 'Mahabharat'? Read on.... Government of India Ministry of Human Resources Development Department of Culture Films Division No. B1452/234/2003 Dt. 15.5.03To: Shri. B.R.Chopra, Film Director, Mumbai Ref: Your letter dt. 2.12.90 regarding financing of films by Govt ofIndia -story submitted by you - namely, 'Mahabharat' The undersigned is directed to refer the above letter and state that the Government has examined your proposal for financing a filmCalled ''Mahabharat'. The Very High Level Committee constituted for this purpose has been in consultation with the Human Rights Commission,National Commission for Women and Labour Commission, in addition to various Ministries and State Governments, and have formed definitive opinionsAbout the script. Their observations are as below: 1.In the script submitted by you it was shown that there were two setsof cousins, namely,...

After the grand failure of epic film 'Gandhi' at the box office, Richard Attenborough appointed a committee of renowned and successful Bollywood. It was decided that name of the film 'Gandhi' was not colourful. Following names were suggested: Lathi Bani JWAALA, Charkha Gaye Geet Sunaye, Adventures of Kasturba & Mohan in South Africa, Khaadi Rang Layegi, GANDHI ki AANDHI, Deshpremi, Khaana Chhod Dunga, UJDA Chaman, Saabarmati ka Dulaara, Aatma aur Mahaatma, Mahatma No. I, Charkhe ki Awaaz, Goray ki **** Pe Laathi Mar, Laathi se Ajaadi Tak, Gandhi No. I, Mission Gandhi, Mei Mohan tu Kastur, Mere Mohan Pyare, Fatichaar, Kadkaram Mohanlal, Mei Khiladi, Aur Mohan Anaadi, 1947- A love story, Meri Kasturba, mera Pyar, Pattgayi Kastur It was also realized that the dialogues did not have that Bollywood fizz'. Following dialogues were suggested: 1.(Situation : First scene of the movie where Godse fires bullets into Gandhi's chest) Nathuram : Isi din ka mujhe bachpan s...

There was a couple married for quite some time and they had a boy of 5-6 years old. Their relationship was turning sour. So finally it reached such a stage that they thought it was better for them to be divorced than carry on such a relationship. So they consulted a lawyer. But the big question was who would have the kid. In the hearing in the court. It was decided that this choice should be left on the kid. So the judge asked "Son, would you like to stay with your mummy?" Kid said,"No, mummy beats me" :(( So the judge asked "Then, would you like to stay with your papa then ?" Kid said, "No, papa beats me" :(( Now the judge was in a dilemma and was not able to decide what to do... after pondering for some time he smiled with the ideas he had in his mind about the child...... And he gave the judgment that the kid would stay with...... The kid would stay with the Indian Cricket Team because they NEVER BEAT ANYBODY!! Hoo ha India....!!!! ;)))))...

SCHOOL - A place where papa pays & son plays LIFE INSURANCE - A contract tht keeps you poor all ur life so tht you can die rich NURSE - A person wakes up to give you sleeping pills MARRIAGE - A contract in which a boy loses his bachelors degree & girl gets her masters degree ---------------------------------------------------- Movie titles related to engg students: Exams - socha na tha, Classes - kabhi kabhi, Question papers - na tum jano na hum, Copying - yaarana, Maths 2 - asambhav, Maths 1 - mission impossible, Environmental sciences - pyar mein kabhi kabhi, 1st semester - kuch to hai, 2nd semester - yeh kya ho raha hai, Distinction - kal ho na ho, 1st class - raju bangaya gentleman, 2nd class - dil mange more Fail - phir milenge

Gham me hasne walo ko kabhi rulaya nahi jata, lehro se pani ko hataya nahi jata, hone wale ho jate hain khudhi dil se apne, kisi ko kehkar apna banaya nahi jata Socha tha na karenge kisi se dosti, na karenge kisi se vaada, par kya kare dost mila itna pyara ki karna pada dosti ka vaada Samja do apni yado ko, wo bin bulaye pas aaya karti hai, aap to dur rehkar satate ho magar, wo pas aakar rulaya karti hai Waqt guzarta raha par sanse thami si thi, muskura rahe the hum, par ankho me nami si thi, saath hamare ye jahan tha sara, par na jaane kyu tumhari kami si thi. Kyu dil ke mere tukde kar diye, kyu mere aansu ko apni muskan se baha diye, gunah kya tha mera bus chahna tumhe, kyu meri zindagi me tune dard bhardiye Phool se pehle khusboo ko to dekho, karne se pehle kaam ko to dekho, kisike roop mein diwana naa bano, surat se pehle uske dil ko to dekho Hum wo ishq hain jo dil bankar dhadakte hai, hum wo khushbo hain jo baho mein mahakte hain, humse pyar na karna e-zalim, hum vo dard hain jo ...

A turtle family decided to go on a picnic. Turtles, being naturally slow about things, took seven years to prepare for their outing. Finally the turtle family left home looking for a suitable place. During the second year of their journey they found a place ideal for them at last! For about six months they cleaned the area, unpacked the picnic basket, and completed the arrangements. Then they discovered they had forgotten the salt. A picnic without salt would be a disaster, they all agreed. After a lengthy discussion, the youngest turtle was chosen to retrieve the salt from home. Although he was the fastest of the slow moving turtles, the little turtle whined, cried, and wobbled in his shell. He agreed to go on one condition: that no one would eat until he returned. The family consented and the little turtle left. Three years passed and the little turtle had not returned. Five years... six years... then on the seventh year of his absence, the oldest turtle could no longer contain his h...

Santa ke bagiche mein bahut sare ped - paude thay, Santa naukar ko bola ped-paudon ko pani dal. Naukar: Sahab baarish ho rahi hai. Santa: Abe to Chatri leke dal. Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller? Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl. Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatoes 5 days ago, he hasn't come back yet! Santa: Why don't u cook something else. An Englishman and Santa inside the toilet. Englishman: Good evening, how do u do? Santa: Gud evening, we open the zip and do Banta ped pe chada to upar baithey Bandar ne poocha: Upar kyon aaya? Banta: Apple khane. Bandar: Yeh to aam ka ped hai. Banta: Pata hai, Apple saath laya hoon. Teacher: Pappu, TAMSO MA JYOTIR GAMYA" shloka ka kya arth hai? Pappu: Tum so jayo maa, mein Jyoti ke pass ja raha hoon Banta: Marte waqt aadmi ko kya dena chahiye? Santa: Birla cement. Banta: Kyun? Santa: Kyunki is Cement mein jaan hai. Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai. Santa: Hai. Fro...

Dear Tech Support Team: Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child-processes that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities. Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, BeerWithBuddies 7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the 'uninstall' doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help! Thanks, "A Troubled User" REPLY: Dear Troubled User: This is a very common problem that people complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run ...

Mr Banta Singh is traveling from Moscow to Bhatinda. Seated besides him is Gary Kasparov. Gary asks him whether he would like to play chess to kill time. Banta : 'Oye Gar(r)y. You think I don't know who you are?. I can't compete with a world champion' Gary : 'How about if I play left handed ?' Banta : [Think.. Think..] 'OK!' Banta is demolished in 4 moves... and is very upset through-out the rest of the journey. On landing he meets his friend Santa Singh. Banta : Hey! You know what! I played Chess with Gary Kasparov and he defeated me inspite of him playing left-handed..... Santa : Oye ullu-de pathey!! He sure did fool you!! You know what!! Gary IS LEFT-HANDED!!

A farmer came into town and asked the owner of a restaurant if he could use a million frog legs. The restaurant owner was shocked and asked the man where he could get so many frog legs! The farmer replied, "There is a pond near my house that is full of frogs - millions of them. They all croak all night long and they are about to make me crazy!" So the restaurant owner and the farmer made an agreement that the farmer would deliver frogs to the restaurant, five hundred at a time for the next several weeks. The first week, the farmer returned to the restaurant looking rather sheepish, with two scrawny little frogs. The restaurant owner said, "Well... where are all the frogs?" The farmer said, "I was mistaken. There were only these two frogs in the pond. But they sure were making a lot of noise!" [Next time you hear somebody criticizing or making fun of you, remember, it's probably just a couple of noisy frogs. Also remember that problems always seem bigge...

Element : WOMEN Symbol : Wo+ Atomic mass : Accepted as 53.6 Kg; isotopes may vary from 40-200 kg. Occurrence : Copious quantities in all urban areas. PHYSICAL PROPERTIES 1. Boils at room temperature 2. Freezes without any known reason. 3. Melts if given special treatment. 4. Bitter, if incorrectly used. 5. Sweet as Honey if given a proper treatment. CHEMICAL PROPERTIES 1. Have great affinity for Gold, Silver and a range of precious stones and absorbs great quantities of expensive substances. 2. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason. 3. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increases by that. 4. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man. COMMON USES 1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars. 2. Can be great aid to relaxation. TESTS 1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when happy. 2. Turns green when placed behind a better specimen. POTENTIAL HAZARD illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different l...

I'm sure many of you watched the recent taping of the Oprah Winfrey Show where her guest was Tommy Hilfiger. On the show, she asked him if the statements about race he was accused of saying were true. Statements like "If I'd known African-Americans, Hispanics, Jews and Asians would buy my clothes, I WOULD NOT have made them so nice. I wish these people would *NOT* buy my clothes, as they are made for upper class white people." His answer to Oprah was a simple "YES". Where after she immediately asked him to leave her show. The suggestion? Don't buy your next shirt or perfume from Tommy Hilfiger. Let's give him what he asked for. Let's not buy his clothes, let's put him in a financial state where he himself will not be able to afford the ridiculous prices he puts on his clothes. ------------------------------------------------------------------ GOOD ONE... Scene took place on a BA flight between Johannesburg and London. A White woman, about 50...